Andrew Johns would love nothing more than to change some aspects of his past but he knows that can't happen.
His on-field exploits were rewarded on Thursday night in Sydney when he was named rugby league's eighth Immortal.
Johns, 38, joined Bob Fulton, John Raper, Clive Churchill, Reg Gasnier, Graeme Langlands, Wally Lewis and Arthur Beetson in the sport's most elite club.
On the field nobody could dispute John's greatness, a freakishly gifted halfback, who could do it all.
He won two premierships with Newcastle (1997 and 2001) and starred for NSW and Australia and won Dally Ms.
But off the field he had issues and some thought they might stand in the way of him becoming an Immortal.
Johns was named in rugby league's Team of the Century in 2008, just 12 months after he admitted on national television to using so called 'party drugs' throughout his brilliant career.
The news rocked rugby league circles and only now does Johns, who retired early from league because of a neck injury, feels the game is at peace with him.
"I said that at the Team of the Century night. I feel the game's forgiven me," he said.
"I'd love to go back and change some things but unfortunately you can't do that in life.
"They were hard times but they shape the person you are. We all make mistakes don't we, it's how you come back from it."
Johns said the honour had not quiet sunk in but hoped it would on a surfing trip in a couple of days.
"I feel like I'm in a dream. I hope don't wake up," he said.
"I owe everything in my life to rugby league. Ever since I was a kid I would hate to imagine where I'd be without the game, it's given me everything and even now it gives me everything."